Coffee Makes Me Less Stabby T-Shirt - Funny Pirate Coffee Lover Comfort Colors Tee - Gift for the Grumpy Morning Person

What do you get the person nobody should talk to before their first cup? A shirt that warns everyone for them, so nobody has to find out the hard way.

Cream lettering with a little wear on it, a steaming cup, and a pirate cutlass tucked right under the word Stabby. Printed on a soft, garment-dyed Comfort Colors tee for slow mornings and long days.

⚓ What's In The Design

- COFFEE in bold, weathered cream letters

- A steaming cup of coffee

- Makes Me Less in a smaller line underneath

- STABBY in big, curvy letters

- A pirate cutlass swooping under the whole thing

- Printed on the front of the shirt

🏴‍☠️ Who This Is For

- The coworker you know better than to talk to before 9 AM

- Coffee lovers, night owls and proud non-morning people

- Anyone running on caffeine and a very short fuse

- Christmas, Secret Santa, white elephant swaps, birthdays and office gift exchanges

- The friend who answers good morning with a look

📐 The Details

- Comfort Colors 1717 unisex garment-dyed t-shirt

- 100% ring-spun cotton, 6.1 oz, dyed after it is sewn so it feels broken in from the first wear

- Relaxed fit, true to size, S through 4XL

- 15 colors: Black, Blue Jean, Cumin, Denim, Espresso, Graphite, Hemp, Midnight, Pepper, Sage, Sandstone, Seafoam, Topaz Blue, True Navy and Wine. Check the dropdown for what is in stock in your color

- Printed to order in the U.S.

🧼 Care

- Machine wash cold, maximum 30C or 90F

- Do not bleach

- Tumble dry on low heat

- Iron on low heat if needed, never directly on the print

- Do not dry clean

❓ Quick Answers

Who is this for?

Coffee people. The ones who are sweet as pie after the first cup and a little pointy before it.

Is this a good gift for someone who's hard to shop for?

Yes. They already own a dozen coffee mugs. This says out loud what every one of those mugs was hinting at, and it is funny without crossing a line at the office gift swap.

How big is it / how does it fit?

Comfort Colors runs relaxed and true to size, S through 4XL. Want it roomy? Go up one size. Full measurements are in the size chart.

How long does shipping take, and is it free?

Shipping is free in the U.S. Each shirt is printed to order in the U.S. and arrives in 2-8 business days, depending on where you live.

How do I care for it?

Wash cold, tumble dry low, and keep the iron off the print. Garment-dyed cotton gets softer with every wash.

📦 Shipping Info

Free shipping in the U.S. - delivery in 2-8 business days depending on your location.

⚠️ AI Content Note

Some of our designs are made with the help of AI illustration tools.

All of our mockups are AI-generated, so the real thing may vary a little in placement and color - models ain't cheap and we ain't pretty.

Every item is made to order, which keeps waste and overproduction down.

💀 Thank You

Thanks for grabbing something that speaks your language. Every order keeps indie creators alive, caffeinated, and just snarky enough to keep making the weird pirate stuff big box stores would never touch. Appreciate you more than a smooth ash and a steady draw. ⛵

Designed by DastardlyDuoDesign

Dastardly Duo Designs - conversation pieces for pirates, coffee drinkers, and other respectable troublemakers.